HanSarang Poetry

Could it be
that my life has already been complete
that I’ve been married for 50 years
with 5 kids
and 18 grandchildren
living blissfully in a house somewhere in Ann Arbor, Michigan
with one Oscar for best actor sitting as a table weight
and 2 corgis named Spike and Spiegel roaming around?

That all the things I’ve ever been worried about
has already come into fruition
it has already come to pass
it exists already
and all I have to do is imagine it to be so?

The frustration that I feel right now
will actually be rendered obsolete and irrelevant
because it has already come to pass
in a world not too different from the one I’m in now
in a reality that is created by observation and thoughts
which co-exists with what I see before me
that dreams become reality
and ambitions yield successful completions.

This is what I got from quantum reality
when somebody explained it to me
while listening with tipsy ears

I’m pretty sure this is nowhere near the actual definition
but it sure is a nice one to think about nonetheless.

Saigu
it’s the Korean translation for 4-29
a day that is significant to any Koreans
who lived in Los Angeles back in 1992
when the entire city erupted into angry flames
over the beating of Rodney King
and the shooting of Latasha Harlins.

I was too young to even remember this day,
in a city far removed from the city of Angels,
but as I grew up and understood the history
of where we as Asians marked in the grounds of America
this day and moment of time
was something I had to,
at the very least,
know the entire context and history
and see if there has been changes since.

I still get questions
if Koreans really do hate black people
and I know it all started from this particular event
when a Korean store owner
shot a 16 year old black girl
after a misunderstanding and scuffle gone too far.

I tell them
that it’s not so much of hatred
but a matter of propaganda
and the immense power the media wields
in its sensationalist spastic hand,
in drumming up two divided lines in the sand
this side the Koreans
the other side the blacks
forever opposed
forever enemies.

With a group of people still new to the land
barely grasping onto a language claimed by those
who saw them as nothing but laundry cleaners
and another group of people still seen as a menace
barely grasping onto a country claimed by those
who saw them as nothing but dangerous animals
the lines were drawn in between by white
and each side being told by the white hand in power
that one is dangerous and lazy
and the other is greedy and manipulative
never quite seeing the strings that were pulling us
to clash right into each other
to tear each other apart
to hate each other for eternity.

This
This is what I learned from Saigu.

We do our damnest to keep ourselves organized
no fuss, no mess, no worries
our shoes just the right size
our lives in the structured order
everything simply in its right place.

But when the time comes that a gigantic wrench,
a wrench made out of massive inconvenience and hardships,
is thrown into the routine mechanics of our life
it is the greatest indication that,
we as human beings,
are truly alive.

it is here
that we overcome all adversities
push ourselves to do new things
dare to make a change in our lives
and grow the fuck up
each and every time.

May we never stop growing the fuck up
till the day we die.

A pet peeve confession #20142.

Is it my responsibility or yours
when we make plans to do something
eat somewhere
hang out at some place
and then when the date comes
do I let you know
or do you let me know
the night before
if one of us can’t make it?

Suppose I know that you have a busy schedule
and I ask if you can confirm with me on a particular day
and you agree to this whole-heartedly
only for the day to actually come
and I, not hearing anything from you,
reach out to you and ask
“what is, uh, up?”

You respond with
“My bad! My friend’s in town and I’ll be out of town for two weeks!”

What. The. Fuck.

I can feel the veins ever so slightly tighten around my neck
as I contemplate whether I should go to your place
and vandalize it with eggs
for wasting my goddamn motherfucking quasi-precious time.

Such thoughts rage in my ever-so uptight head.

Or if you constantly tell me
“I’ll be busy for quite some time, doing this and that”
and then I see you celebrating your life
showcasing yourself on these horrific social media outlets
of your amazing social well being with drinks and food
and I stare at these with twitching eyes
and wish I can yell across the distance

“HEY FUCKER. JUST TELL ME YOU DON’T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME.
YOUR PRETTY WORDS ARE SO FUCKING STUPID
HOLY SHIT FUCKING BALLSACK MOTHERFUCKING DONKEYASSPUNCH.”

to your face and hope that you will receive such words
with complete and utter understanding
of the insignificant frustration that I feel
that I wish to convey to you right now.

But
hey
who knows
this might be a grand gift
that I should stop making any efforts
with your busy you
you busy bee you
(hope a bee goes in your pants and stings you up the ass.)