I do not necessarily call myself the most observant type
but I try the best that I can
especially when I’m looking at a beautiful woman
sitting right next to me
whether it be a bar, cafe,
or the In N’ Out food line.
First hurdle overcome is when
I’m actually engaging with her in a conversation
that has lasted beyond 5 minutes.
Second hurdle overcome is when
there’s frequent eye contact
so at least I know there’s a connection going on.
Third hurdle overcome is when
I stop thinking of hurdles to overcome
and get back to focusing on the girl solely.
It is in this time period that I am feeling for that
that vastly desired spark,
the spark to determine
do we have it?
This is where my observant skills are shot to hell
because I am going on my own eskewed perception
of whether or not there is chemistry going on here
whether I think this girl is actually interested in me
or is she just being really nice and deflecting?
I can’t tell
it’s hard to tell
eye contact is definitely important
see if she turns away
shit, I’m thinking too much again
thinking is going on overdrive
but it’s okay
I’ll attempt to keep up my charm
and keep her engaged
and somewhere during this conversation
I ask with definition
if she would like to get coffee sometimes.
Okay so I asked it
it’s now out in the open
it is here that I can clearly tell
if this conversation was worth the trouble
and in this particular case,
I’m actually not that sure.
When asked to perform the ridiculous,
to jump into the abyss,
give yourself the permission
to boldly ask:
For all the assholes,
vain egotistical maniacs,
cold hearted ice queens,
and the two-faced monsters in the world
I am thankful that I know you in person
for you are truly blessings in my life
for you inspire me tremendously
because you are role models
in all the ways
that I don’t want to be
in all the ways
that I check myself
before I become the likes of you.
To inspire and be inspired
To love and be loved
To continuously be learning
admit to one’s hubris and mistakes
and be a student of life always.
For life is the bigger picture,
the picture that often becomes neglected.
Our true world that matters is not our career or fame
but our Friends, family, and our loved ones
the desire to be real with one another
and constantly be a positive, inspiring light,
that is the ideal goal
that is easier said than done.
But here’s to giving it my absolute best
I must be in a really sensitive zone
but when I greet people that I know
and they give me
an indifferent glance,
a cold, limp handshake,
and a fake smile that could be made of glass,
I lose heart in myself.
I need to re-toughen my newly sensitive skin
for I cannot tolerate the indifferent cruelty
that people can possess
when life is so short and can be
at any time.
If I had to count the number of times in my life
where I endured true tragedy in the loss
of a loved one
whether it be a family member or friend
It is the number that comes with the peace sign.
Perhaps it’s because I haven’t suffered enough tragedy
but there’s a part of me that bizarrely feels like
I am a complete pansy when it comes to dealing with loss
like I shouldn’t be so emotional about it and buck up
or something to that rough-edged degree.
But then again,
there is no true way to cope with tragedy
and at the very least,
I need to work hard to turn this moment of grief
into a moment of celebration
for the particular individual
and the gift they gave
with being that wonderful unique being that they are.
It’s easier said than done though.
Upon hearing the loss of an old friend
I immediately thought:
Why didn’t I check up on him more?
Why didn’t I talk to him more?
did I brush aside his conversations
because I was too busy?
Why the fuck did I do all of this?