Morning of My Darkness

Inspired by Connie Lim’s “Morning

During the lonely hours of twilight
I sometimes dwell upon the past
reflect how my life was once a dark blight
now, darkness no longer as I see the light.

Once upon a time though
when darkness clung to me too tight
you were there
the girl who shone into my life
the morning who looked so gorgeous
in your black, backless dress
you were there
you were patient
you cared for me
you loved me
and I loved you
like the plant loves the rising sun.

But darkness,
like a jealous lover,
screamed at me
she clung to me even tighter
suffocating me in her madness.

Trapped within her
I lashed out at you
I hurt you
the girl who loved me
the morning of my life
and like a blind enraged fool
I believed what darkness told me
that she was the only one for me

You slowly shed your light in despair
and we became lost together in darkness
we became creatures of the night
tearing into each other
limb by limb
heart by heart
and
I didn’t know
I didn’t know
I didn’t know
that it would come to this.

You finally teared yourself away from me
away from the darkness that I was in
you regained your light back
and left me with anguished tears in your eyes.

Years later
after separating myself from darkness
after gaining my own light
I see night as a reminder of her claws
and during the lonely hours of twilight
I sometimes dwell upon the past
No matter how many times
I repeat my apologies to my past
no matter how many times
I can only whisper into the night

forgive me
forgive me, morning.

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Bittersweet Life

Inspired by The Verve’s “Bittersweet Symphony”

I sometimes look at my past
imagine all the different ways
I could split and veer myself into
be a different man than I am today
be a million different people
from one day to the next
each day a wishful longing,
a longing unfulfilled.

Never content, never satisfied
I go through my life like a dream
blinking my eyes constantly
to see if I will wake up from this
monotonic sluggish dream
the hard truth that I refuse to take
any control over my reality
any resolve to change.

I had to realize
I was hurting in the inside
my pain too great to unfold
but one day
unlike all the other days
I heard a sound
a sound that recognized my pain

The sound released a ringing
A high-pitched ringing
that crept
that slithered
slowly into my ears
grew in size and volume
in such enormous monstrosity
the pressure caved into me
squeezing my soul tighter
and tighter
I let out a scream
a scream that shattered my fake faces
a scream that drove the ringing out.

I stood still
blissful nothingness
blissful emptiness
opened my arms
to allow Silence embrace me
and as we held each other
I let the melody come into me
I let the melody shine into me
let it cleanse my mind
and finally be free.