Nun (accepting the unknown)

Nun is one of the letters of the Arabic alphabet; in the same way, various other letters introduce some surahs (chapters) of the Quran, while no commentator-nor even the Prophet himself-is able to say exactly what they mean or what their presence at the beginning of a chapter symbolizes. Thus, at the very moment when the Creator swears “by the pen” and confirms the necessity of knowledge conveyed to human beings, He opens the verses with a mysterious letter, nun, expressing the limits of human knowledge. The dignity of humankind, conferred by knowledge, cannot be devoid of the humility of reason aware of its own limits and thereby recognizing the necessity of faith. Accepting, and accepting not to understand, the mysterious presence of the letter nun requires faith; understanding and accepting the unmysterious statements of the verses that follow require the use of a reason that is active but necessarily-and indeed naturally–humbled.

From Tariq Ramadan – In the Footsteps of the Prophet

high expectations

so i haven’t had this feeling in a while
this feeling of extremely high expectations,
where I expect my friends to drop their time for me
and watch me perform and exercise my vanity.

because honestly, that’s what it is,
if i am to get right down to the nitty gritty,
i am greedy for my friend’s attentions,
the more i get,
the more i am pleased.

when i see that there is a small turnout of my friends,
i become upset, not because of who didn’t show,
but at myself for spending so much time
and creating this large bubble of expectation
that they are going to cater to my needs
and satisfy my wants of being noticed and loved.

damn, i’m greedy.
gotta remember that
expectations are quite lethal.

ready to go

the inspiration to leave everything behind,
all the heartaches and stress in your life,
to embark on the path close to your heart,
is a tremendous fire that burns within us all
but who will pay heed to its call?

Taste of Asia

Come explore the exotic Asia
Come explore the exotic me
Taste me all you want
I don’t mind.

Lick me
Bite me
Drink me
Eat me
Fuck me
Objectify me
Dehumanize me
I don’t mind.

When I protest against my inhumanity,
I fall upon deaf ears,
stumble upon blind eyes,
for you see what you only want to see,
you hear what you only want to hear.

You only see our native dances
dancing for you and only you,
waving happily at you with my chinky eyes,
dazzling you with my saris,
obedient to your imperialist whims

You only smell the tantalizing scents
of the delicious dishes spread eagle before you,
take your pick from wontons to curry,
waiting for you to fuck me with your hungry mouth

But you do not truly see me.

You do not see the sweat glistening off my back
as I break myself picking sugar canes in Hawaii

You do not see the despair in my eyes
as my head is being smashed in by a baseball bat

You do not feel my humiliation
as my turban is being torn from me

You do not know the sacrifices
that I have made to be seen
as a true American,
only to be reminded that I am not,
with every chingchongtingtonglinglongs,
with every rant that we must go home,
with every hurtful words you spew at me
but
its okay
I am Taste of Asia, after all
I throw my pride and dignity away
for mere profits
so its okay,

I don’t mind.

ready to go back home

the days that i spent here,
away from home,
doing what i love most,
has been a blessing
in every single way.

But it’s funny how
that when I leave home
for the first time
in over a year
I really appreciate
what I have back there,
waiting for me.

I miss driving in bad traffic (seriously)
I miss my acting school and my friends there
I miss my (mostly) Vietnamese crew
I miss my own bed
I…don’t miss my daytime job
I miss Korean food being right next to me
I miss
I miss Los Angeles

I’m coming home!

Tetsuo: Part II

If I had my way in the world
I wish I can take a crowbar
and smash in the faces
of all the bullies and fuckers
who have tormented me,
of all the adults
who think they are so
better than me,
look down on me,
sneer at me,
mock me.

I dream of becoming a giant
so I can squish these motherfuckers with glee,
each laugh of mine a measurement,
of the misery they have inflicted upon me,
each body crushed a testament
that they cannot fuck with me
without getting fucked back.

I dream of a world,
a world where people beckons to my call,
a world where I make the rules.

the heavy weight of choices

I make choices to define my destiny
and each of these choices,
however small they may be,
carries weight that cannot be measured
by any scale or man-made machine.

sometimes,
I make choices
without fully promising one or the other
but knowing secretly that one of them
holds a higher value
that in my mind,
may be a better stepping stone
to my goal I want to achieve.

But because I placement judgment,
that one is worth higher than the other,
I feel guilty for doing so,
knowing that whatever choice I make,
has people attached to it
that will become affected.

So I leave it up to Fate
and see which way
the pendulum swings.

I must choose one or the other,
knowing that to go with one,
I will upset the other,
damned if I do,
damned if I don’t.