HanSarang Thoughts #6: I Like Pissing My Own People Off

I feel like there is something twisted about me but for some reason, I like pissing my own people off. And when I say my own people, I mean Asian Americans. I’m not sure if this is the result of my continued defiance against my father or other personal matters, but I get some sort of strange glee when I make a rather bold statement and I see feathers being ruffled (now if I could actually see feathers truly being ruffled, that would make my day).

— What I’m about to say next is entirely within my own opinion and does not necessarily mean it applies to the whole group of people that I am describing —

Although by default that Asians in America are Americans, a good number of us still have traditional Asian values or subconscious thinking that being outspoken bout our own communities is a trait that is considered undesirable. Sure, we can be outspoken about all the things that we deem to be offensive or wrong, but you would be hard pressed to find a good number of folks who would be willing to criticize their own people.

I am clearly not one of those people and in fact, there is a smile on my face right when I’m about to unleash an extremely controversial statement or article that concerns Asians, Asian Americans, or APA’s in a certain industry (in this case, the entertainment industry). I suppose this is a habit that I need to severely tone down because it would be considered to most as brash and immature. I truly do feel like a jester as I hop about saying outrageous (but truthfully honest to what I believe in) shiet and seeing faces turn red and steam coming out of their ears.

I do notice that as time goes by, my criticisms of my Asian American folks have been less outlandish and more nuanced with open possibilities of discussion that can be stemmed only from the fact that I seek to question, not antagonize. However, once in a while, I just need to let it rip and just say what’s honestly on my mind without sugar coating it. For example:

– I think that 90% of Asian American films are horrible, not because of their film & sound quality, but because they don’t know how to tell a story.
– I think that a huge majority of the Asian American YouTubers are extremely annoying & unfunny and find it hard to believe they have so many fans. Oh wait, blockbusters like Transformers were a huge success so what am I saying here…
– I find that the Asian American community leaders we look so highly up to aren’t really worth any merit as there are some that are extremely slimy, crooked, and just downright not a good person (I know one specifically that makes me want to vomit).
–  I find Asian American networks too much of a small pond and don’t understand how people can act so pompous when all they did was some shitty Asian American film that premiered at an Asian American film festival. Get out of the small pond, you big-headed ugly fish!

Now I know there are plenty of good things I can say about my community, especially in the past few years and the growth we have made to make a change. But the problems mentioned above still very much exist and of course, it’s best for me to not let negative things overshadow the best of my judgement but that doesn’t mean I should ignore it either. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be said because even if nobody wants to hear it, it should be heard.

People ask me why I specifically target my own people and not others. Which is a very good question because it’s not like I can defend myself and saying that I truly know my community because I don’t…I don’t know my community inside and out. I know that there are truly honest, dedicated and hard working Asian Americans that do not fit in any of the examples I gave above and for me to lump them into the foul ones I know is extremely unfair. And I agree, it is.

So it all boils down to this simple mischievous desire that I enjoy pissing my own people off. I seem to enjoy stirring shit up on a general basis and I become most alive when I start seeing chaos created from my being. But as I grow older, I do it less and less since stirring chaos is such a tiring affair. When I see others like me stir up chaos though, I can’t help but pump my fists into the air and yell “FUCK YEAH! STIR THAT SHIT UP LIKE IT WAS GRAVY!”

And then it inspires me to stir some gravy shit of my own.

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2 comments

  1. nicoleh73 · June 7, 2012

    Lot of goodies have come from chaos! I hate people who play it safe!

  2. Pingback: HanSarang Thoughts #9: The Friend That Is Still Mad At You « HanSarang Poetry

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