NPM #9 2012: A Love Letter To White People

To the white people who may be concerned,

Whenever I criticize the overabundance of white people
in leading roles for Hollywood movies and TV shows,
I am not hating on you.

Whenever I object the repetitive habit of savior complexes
that white people tend to have towards minorities,
I am not hating on you.

Whenever I explain that white privilege is a blessing
that us non-white people don’t have nor ever will,
I am not hating on you.

I love you white people.
I love you guys very much so.
I love red-haired white girls especially,
because oh my Allah
they are so fucking hot,
their red hair feels like fire
and I just want to wrap myself in it
and be one with the hot sexy passion of redness.

But overall,
I love you all,
you beautiful
crazy
white people.

However.

Sometimes I get extremely frustrated at you white people
especially when you think it’s funny to say “herro”
and thus making me feel awkward whether to say “herro” back
or to ask if you’re only saying hello in that ridiculous fashion
just because I am Asian.

Sometimes it pisses the fuck out of me when you white people
dismiss my criticisms as the rantings of a overly sensitive crybaby
(but when that happens, I think of red-haired white girls
and everything is alright in the world again.)

I snicker and find it so freaking adorable
when you white people say you’re blind to all color
and you only see the people as they are in the inside.

Awwwwww.

I just want to hug you and go:
“Shhhhh.
Hush, child.
It’s okay.
If you’re blind to color,
then I must be Mickey Mouse
and together we will prance and frollick
to Wonderland,
a wonderful post-racial land
filled with Cinnabons”.

So I just want to let you know
that I love you very much so
I don’t love you more than
my fellow Asian, black, and Latino people
but I do sincerely and truly
love you.

Even if you get on my fucking nerves every now and then.

Sincerely,

A non-hating Asian American Mickey Mouse.

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