I’m never quite sure what to do
with the memories of my past
because these memories cling to me
like a pool of unforgiving leeches
and as they suck my blood away
they bring the uncomfortable awkwardness
back into my body full force
with one single word:

Back at the college that I graduated from
I was never the one who was celebrated
for his good looks,
warm sunny charisma,
beautiful personality,
exceptional talents,
or outstanding leadership.

I was the other guy
the other guy who looked up
to the ones who have good looks,
warm sunny charisma,
beautiful personality,
exceptional talents,
and outstanding leadership.

So when Homecoming comes around
these amazingly wonderful folks
are requested upon by their friends
wondering if these beacons of light
will grace their presence
back in the college land of yesteryears.

I know this because I’m Facebook friends with all of them
and I can see every single post on my pesky mini news feed
which should really be called the news feed from hell
because I really do not want to see
how these amazing folks are more appreciated than I am
that nobody is asking for me and whether or not
I am coming back to Homecoming.

I don’t want to be disappointed by the friends
who I thought would give me a genuine welcome
because I do not want to consider
that I put more value in our friendship
but all my fears come true the very moment
when I hear their “hello, how are you?”
several octaves higher than their normal pitch tone.

I’m not even attending to this year’s Homecoming
and the fact that it’s happening right now as I write this
is stressing me out halfway across the nation
and reminds me I still got unresolved issues
with my unsorted bitter-and-no-sweet filled past.

I want to go back to Homecoming
when nobody knows me at all
and I can walk around the campus
with absolute peace on my mind
and not a single person from the past
to bother my walk through nostalgia.

Or perhaps I should stop being a chicken
go to next year’s Homecoming
and when I see people of my past
that I have unresolved issues with
I will tell it to their face (with kindness)
that I have unresolved issues with them
and dance the awkward tango together
where they may slip out from my firm grasp
or they may take up the challenge
and we may perform an extraordinary feat
of restrengthening our bridges
and forging a beautiful friendship
that will last for years to come.

But I will have to remember to never raise my voice
several octaves higher than my normal pitch tone.



How are yoooou?~


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