remember me

I seem to have a laundry list
a laundry list of friends
that I stare at constantly,
uncertain whether I should
dump them all into a washing machine
put in some strong high pressure detergent
make it go through several wash cycles
and see whoever is
strong enough
to stand out.

I feel like I’m taking some kind of
crazy anti-social “don’t contact me” pills
because I question myself why
I even bother to hold onto so many friendships
friendships that I thought deserves at least
a phone call or even a Facebook message
letting me know that I’m not the only one
the only one who thinks this bridge we have
holds any value to the open memories market.

It doesn’t help that we’re in a social networking age
where I can constantly look at these people
stare at their photos and constant life updates
bitter and confused why they never responded
to my inquiry of how they are doing
or even a phone call made in frazzled loneliness
that only gets a tin-sounding answering service
which I kindly leave a yearning voice mail
and never get any response whatsoever.

I don’t want to be that clingy greedy guy
who only gets responses of
“I’m so sorry”
or
“I’ve been really busy”
only because I brought the hostility
right to their doorsteps
feeling like a rejected toddler who
never gets invited to anything
and sits in the corner of his bed
crying to himself
wondering
why nobody wants him.

And yes, I do get that childish
because I’m very greedy about people
I want desperately for people to
consider me
contact me
call me
Facebook me
love me
remember me
so please forgive my childish tantrums
but I don’t know what else to do
because I am a prisoner to my memories
memories that you and I shared
and it’s hard for me to let them go.

Instead of the conventional common sense
that all of these things are possibly happening
because our friendship wasn’t that meaningful
in the first goddamn place
how about
you can simply tell me
that our friendship simply didn’t mean
the value that I believe that it holds
I would rather hear your truth
from your own words
take it gladly to my worried mind
and know that I need to stop
remembering you.

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2 comments

  1. Jingle · October 9, 2010

    creative and fun read. love your humor.

  2. Jingle · October 9, 2010

    I value honesty too.
    cool words.

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