This other side of me

There is a whole side of me
that kicks in once in a while
a side of me that feels
like a stranger that on
any given day
I would not associate with
at any level
but when he happens
to be me
it becomes an interesting struggle.

All I can know is that this side
is cold, cruel, and merciless
indifferent to the world around me
not giving a fuck what I do
or how much of a dick I seem to embody
at this point, nothing really matters
because this world can just go fuck itself.

I’m writing and saying this out loud
in this stranger I am being at this current moment
possibly regretting what I said the next day
but fully realizing that this is a part of me
a part of me I’m not too proud of
a part of me that I know
that seizes into gear when
a tremendous sensation kicks in
a feeling that I’m being
ignored
dismissed
patronized
so I compensate for this insecurity
by putting a icy cold mask over my face
freezes my heart to a standstill
and look through the world in
an unforgiving freezing glare.

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