Expectations

High expectations float about in my mind
mountainous, looming, and endless
they stand right next to me
in days of restlessness,
failure,
and
disappointment.

I want to be something more
than what I am right now
but I can’t help it when
these setbacks and rejections
make me feel more
and
more
agitated
spinning slowly
but surely
out of control
round and round it goes.

I need to throw
a wrench into my fear
to stop the madness before
it takes me apart
before I crash land into
the gloominess of Despair
a lame theme park offering
roller coaster rides of
self-indulgence
and recycled vanity candies.

“This too shall pass”
is what I would say to myself
but my expectations sits on me
and I go about
spending my Friday nights alone
cooking instant ramen,
add some bacon & eggs for comfort
watch pointless TV
do anything mindless
to help me get away from myself
books, I stray far from
I can’t deal with anything
remotely intellectual or profound
it will only depress me

But at the very least
I can write these words out
I can say these words out
though they won’t make much sense
I can at least put my discontent
out into a visible form
of lines and shapes
let it look upon itself
and decide to take a rest for today.

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