Father

Sunghoon-ah,
my son,
let me tell you about my own father
and how I came to be the man I am now.

My father was a Supreme Court judge
who was revered by his community,
respected by his colleagues,
feared by his family.

He would come home disgusted
On days when work would
take the life out of him
He would take his disgust
out of his system
By taking it out on me
taking the life out of me
with every smack
punch
and whip
that leave purple bruises on my body
as hideous and ugly as
the stricken scowl charred on his face.

Forbidden to date girls, let alone bring them over
My hormones, strangled by his suffocating discipline
Rage would inevitably crawl its way into my body
And so I took my father’s desire of me to be a lawyer
Told it to go fuck itself
and decided to be an economist instead.

Fast-forward my life a few years
I got set up with this woman
who would be my wife
She was okay to look at
not really a fiery rose
that fill my repressed dreams
but a pleasant peach flower
with very pleasant qualities
I later came to learn
That this peach flower
hid a resilient iron-clad thorn
from within.

I had a son
You
my beautiful son
but I didn’t know
what to do with you
I only saw you
for the first 7 years
of your uncertain life
and I did my best.

The next time
I got to really see you
You were 14 years old
and if I didn’t know
what to do with you then
I certainly don’t know
what to do with you now.

I don’t know
what happened to you
Maybe it’s my fault
for not raising you right
but when I look at you now
You are exactly like I was
when I was your age.

You’re arrogant.
Arrogance in your eyes.
Arrogance in your body.
Arrogance in your entire being.

You are a punk ass
just like I was
and I despise you
for becoming that
and I despise myself
for the me
I see
in you.

I try to beat it out of your body
ignore your whimpers
your tears
your screams
But I don’t think you know
I cry and break in the inside
with each smack
each punch
each whip
I land on your
shuddering body.

I do this
I do this
I do this

All this
because

I love you.

Advertisements

4 comments

  1. JihadPunk77 · August 5, 2010

    that was really heart-felt and great, Eddy. I can almost relate.

    -sabina

  2. Jingle · August 5, 2010

    beautiful piece!

  3. eikichilane · August 5, 2010

    You are really starting to shine. Keep it up.

  4. Kesho Phoenix · August 9, 2010

    A good way to build up to the end. A bit of history to show the future result of cause and effect. Good job.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s